While running - slowly - this morning, I ended up having one of those epiphanies that must surely afflict all the mediocre. Maybe I'll call it "having a Salieri," after the great mediocrity portrayed in the movie Amadeus. I just realized, and acknowledged, that not only am I not as good (smart, successful, impressive, etc.) as I always thought, but I may not be that good at all in the first place.
If this is true, well, at least I won't have to worry about being an underachiever. Ha ha, very funny, ha ha.
Anyway, I decided not to resign myself to this thinking. I decided not to decide it's true. Instead, I chose to understand that my life remains in a state of transition, which makes it unfair to judge it definitively at this time.
I also felt that continuing to work hard in all things would pay off. People who really work hard and dedicate themselves to projects that connect with others ultimately become recognized as the achievers, as the ones whose lives have meaning, substance and value.
What's the bottom line? I may have a mediocre intelligence, but it's manic - that's different, at least.