Friday, July 01, 2005

Blah, Blah, Blah

I am absolutely amazed at the load of crap that is my occupation. Not that I hate it or my company, but sometimes I just realize that I am a man in a cubicle just kind of passing the time away.

I have made a few inquiries into the topic of being a Dietician/Nutritionist. I am not so hot on the idea as I once was, mainly because I am reluctant to go heavy into any new educational ventures. I also think I have a preference for sports nutrition. I have contacted one Dietician, so maybe I’ll get a good sense from her.

I decided to pull “Hannah’s Moon” away from Stunt Publishing. The process was taking too long. I submitted this morning to Henry Holt. I know it’s a good text; at least, I believe in it. It’ll get published right and I don’t think I’ll stop until it does.

UJAHS went out again also, this time to Putnam. I feel optimistic that the big publishers will be able to use the manuscripts more than the smaller ones, who have niche markets.

I weighed in today at 163.5 pounds, which I haven’t seen in many years. I feel very good and strong overall, but I have to get better-fitting clothes now!!

On the other hand, Becky still has her depression. I am not exasperated or disheartened by what seems to me to be a lack of any real improvement over the past year. What bothers me, though, is feeling that there’s a part of Becky I cannot access or reach. This sounds like a selfish statement, but that’s not how I mean it. I feel as though my ability to “break through” to this part would mean I could help. But I suppose this is selfish, after all. It’s not about me, really, even though Becky says she feels as if she’s a bad mother and wife.

It reminds me of what they say about anorexics/bulimics: no matter how thin they get, they persist in seeing themselves as fat. No matter how excellent a wife and mother she actually is – and she is, in fact, the best of both – she continues to see egregious flaws, mistakes and disappointments.

I can’t say I have a coherent strategy or process for doing what I can to help Becky, or at least not make the situation worse. But I am thinking about it all the time and I know that productive conclusions will come.

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