Strange Living and the Burden of Potential

"The strangeness of this life cannot be measured," says Kevin Costner in Dances with Wolves.

I have not mentioned that my author friend contacted me after the new year to see if I was interested in a new book, a book on Jesus and how he was a good orthodox Jew. He also had another book for me, a book on why Jews shouldn't leave Judaism and convert to Christianity. I recently finished the Jewish Jesus manuscript. All I had to do was edit and re-format. I think I did a decent job on the first few sections, but I think the text is a bit uneven. The chapters are of widely varying lengths. The book ends quite abruptly.

I've also initiated an inquiry to see about finishing my doctorate. Things look good. I should hear in a few days. I can't express how overjoyed I would be to have the chance again to finish the degree. It certainly wouldn't be easy, but I'd make it work. I have suffered thinking about that lost degree. It's pained me more than I care to admit even here. I think about it all the time. I have no idea what I might do with a doctorate, if anything. I don't really know what I should do with it. But I know that it was once mine, and I want it back. It won't solve my problems or make me a better person, but it will give me peace of mind and some real closure on my already-gone youth. I don't know whether I was meant to be successful or a failure, but I think I was meant to be a Ph.D.