NFL Playoff Predictions, Super Bowl (2011 Season)

The rabbi is the meat in a quarterback sandwich, but he is in a real pickle determining which star's team will gain the Super Bowl victory.

Rabbi Itzalok has again huddled with the Divine One to predict the outcome of this coming weekend's National Football League Super Bowl.

Here is Rabbi I's pick, in his own words:

Ach! I don't know, I don't know.

Listen, I don't have time for this. I'm making a new video that is sure to go viral, "Shit Rabbis Say." If you must have a pick...uh...let's say the Giants. I like that Eli's name better than the other guy's. Read your Book of Judges. An Eli guy gets a bunch of bears sicked on some kids. That's awesome.

Giants win, 34-14. Now go away.

NFL Playoff Predictions, Championship Round (2011 Season)

In a world of moral uncertainty and depravity, I'm your best bet for NFL wagering.

Rabbi Itzalok has again huddled with the Divine One to predict the outcome of this coming weekend's National Football League playoff games.

Here are Rabbi I's picks for this all-important next round:

• Baltimore Ravens at New England Patriots. QB Joe Flacco will become Hashem incarnate, leading the Ravens to a 31-21 victory over the Pats. Get thee behind me, Belichick!
• New York Giants at San Francisco 49ers. Even if Eli is slightly ill, the Giants will mercilessly stomp the hopes and dreams of the 'Niners, 37-29.

Best part of the Denver Broncos' playoff loss to the Patriots: In response to a column in which he'd said the Patriots "exposed" the Broncos, sports journalist Bob Ryan received this email:

Exposed? You are the one exposed. Wrath of God. May the Lord of all creation tear you apart.

Dear readers, may the Lord of all creation tear you apart also--with jaw-dropping NFL playoff action! Thy will be done, holy shit, and yatta-yatta.

NFL Playoff Predictions, Divisional Round (2011 Season)

In a world of uncertainty and moral depravity, I'm your best bet for wagering on the NFL.

Rabbi Itzalok has again huddled with the Divine One to predict the outcome of this coming weekend's National Football League divisional playoff games.

He reminds you that he alone picked anointed Tebow's Broncos to crush the fedora-wearin', aggravated assaultin' Steelers. 

Here are Rabbi I's picks for the next round:

• Denver Broncos at New England Patriots. Hallelujah! Broncos shock the world and sacrifice a ram. They win 31-24.
• New Orleans Saints at San Francisco 49ers. Barry Bonds shows up at the game to clobber Drew Brees. 'Niners 34-31.
• Houston Texans at Baltimore Ravens. Who cares? Ravens by 10.
• New York Giants at Green Bay Packers. Eli cries while Rodgers shows off his upgraded discount double-check dance. Pack, 41-24.

NFL Playoff Predictions, Wild Card Weekend (2011 Season)

I predict which teams will win the spiritual playoffs. And when I pick, it's a lock.

After many weeks, Rabbi Itzalok returns!

He has huddled with the Divine One to predict the outcome of this coming weekend's National Football League wild card playoff games.

Here are the picks from the ever-sharp Rabbi I:

• Cincinnati Bengals at Houston Texans. Texans win the rematch, 27-21.

• Detroit Lions at New Orleans Saints. I freaking hate the Saints, which gua-ron-TEES they'll win. I put it at 38-31.

• Atlanta Falcons at New York Giants. Who cares? Giants pull away in the second half for a 29-20 victory, which will make their loss next week less bitter.

• Pittsburgh Steelers at Denver Broncos. Broncos win 17-14 as Jesus favors Tim Tebow and fucks Bill Maher.

Leftovers

I have pre-scheduled two posts for the end of the year, so this is probably the last post I will write and publish in 2011. At work, I am winding down for the year and have vacation coming up in less than two hours.

Notes and thoughts:

• I never got around to finishing my thoughts on moral relativism, as I'd said I would. I tried writing up something earlier in the week, but I had trouble organizing the thing. Basically, I couldn't see how one could finally make the idea of an objective moral fact stick. When I think of objective, I think of something like nature: nature exists independently, whether people exist or not. Information, I have recently come to understand, can also be said to exist independently from people. I don't see how anything like a moral fact can exist independently of people, and if it cannot exist apart from us I don't see how it can be called anything but subjective. I also don't see why subjectivity is such a big negative for some folks. But maybe my little mind has just reached the end of its capacity. I'm willing to be educated if someone has an argument to make.
• My vacation plans include lots of reading. I am especially looking forward to three books: The Idiot, by Fyodor Dostoyevsky; Rameau's Nephew, by Denis Diderot; and In the Valley of the Shadow, by James Kugel.
• I marvel at what a tumultuous year 2011 has been. When I was younger, the years seemed more like adventures. I felt as though I had time to absorb the things that were happening in and around me. Now, life seems too eventful, too fast. I would prefer a slower, less eventful year in 2012 (I think!).
• My "best of" post on December 31 will announce this also, but I plan to scale back my posting activity dramatically in 2012. Not only because of what I write above, but also because I have a dissertation to complete. I'll be 42 years old next year, and I have some new horizons to travel toward, so I want to finish up the one big project (i.e., the doctorate) that consumed my thoughts from early adulthood.
• On the other hand, I have ideas for new series and new directions for this blog. Stay tuned....
• I am excited to go with my older brother to see the New England Patriots play the Buffalo Bills on January 1.

The last two posts of the years will be short of extended, original content. They will be review and link pieces. Let me use this space, therefore, to wish you and the world the very best of this time. If you are vacationing or visiting family, be safe, be peaceful, be happy and joyous, be helpful, be smart, be free, be honest, be yourself, and be strong.

Muppets, Muppeteers and Personal Gods

"I'm your friend to the end!"

For 25 years, "muppeteer" Kevin Clash has brought the popular Sesame Street character Elmo to life. Clash is the subject of Being Elmo, a documentary chronicling his personal and professional journey.

At one point in an interview with NPR's Terry Gross, Clash talks about how the illusion of Elmo stays intact, even when kids know the muppeteer is there:

We have a lot of children that will visit [the set of Sesame Street]. And what we've found is that they really don't care about us, about the puppeteers. They've watched these characters on the show, on TV for so long, that they're really like close friends. It's interesting. They really don't look at me when they see Elmo. They run to Elmo because it's a friend of theirs that they've been talking to and communicating with and singing with for so many years. We've found that the delusion is not broken by seeing us puppeteers. They see the characters in front of them. ... I get humbled by it all the time. The things that they tell Elmo, the expression on their face when they see their friend.

Are there not parallels here with God-belief? God/Jesus is familiar to people, especially Americans. Even non-believers and non-Christians can't get away from it. Witness the nonsensical levels of attention given in past weeks to the faith of Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow. On both my way to work and on the way home, someone has put a home-made sign on a tree by the side of the highway. Both read: "Jesus saves."

When people pray to God/Jesus, they don't see themselves as "pulling the strings." They don't see themselves animating the deity. What's more, perhaps like with Elmo, the illusion would not be broken if they saw.

If correct, this tells us something of the magnitude of fundamental psychological needs that are answered by god-belief. The belief is real and powerful, and it is personal. And maybe it doesn't have that much to do with God as a being or thing, but rather God as an ideal person giving ideal personal love.

Rabbi Itzalok Predicts Week 6 NFL Winners (2011)

I predict which team will win the spiritual battle. And when I pick, it's a lock.

Rabbi Itzalok huddles with the Divine One to predict the outcome of each week's National Football League games.

To make matters even more interesting, the ever-sharp Rabbi I. tests his prophetic mettle against a computer picker and a fantasy league.

Here are this week's predicted winners:

	Rabbi Itzalok	Accuscore	Pick 'em
Car@Atl	Atl	Atl	Atl
Ind@Cin	Cin	Cin	Cin
SF@Det	Det	Det	Det
Stl@GB	GB	GB	GB
Buf@NYG	Buf	NYG	Buf
Jac@Pit	Pit	Pit	Pit
Phi@Wsh	Wsh	Phi	Wsh
Cle@Oak	Oak	Oak	Oak
Hou@Bal	Bal	Bal	Bal
Dal@NE	Dal	NE	NE
NO@TB	NO	NO	NO
Min@Chi	Chi	Min	Chi
Mia@NYJ	NYJ	NYJ	NYJ

Rabbi Itzalok Predicts Week 5 NFL Winners (2011)

I predict which team will win the spiritual battle. And when I pick, it's a lock.

Rabbi Itzalok huddles with the Divine One to predict the outcome of each week's National Football League games.

To make matters even more interesting, the ever-sharp Rabbi I. tests his prophetic mettle against a computer picker and a fantasy league.

Here are this week's predicted winners:

	Rabbi Itzalok	Accuscore	Pick 'em
Phi@Buf	Buf	Phi	Phi
KC@Ind	Ind	KC	Ind
Ari@Min	Min	Min	Min
Sea@NYG	NYG	NYG	NYG
Ten@Pit	Pit	Pit	Pit
NO@Car	NO	NO	NO
Cin@Jac	Jac	Cin	Cin
Oak@Hou	Hou	Hou	Hou
TB@SF	SF	SF	SF
SD@Den	SD	SD	SD
NYJ@NE	NYJ	NE	NE
GB@Atl	Atl	GB	GB
Chi@Det	Chi	Det	Det

Rabbi Itzalok Predicts Week 4 NFL Winners (2011)

I predict which team will win the spiritual battle. And when I pick, it's a lock.

Rabbi Itzalok huddles with the Divine One to predict the outcome of each week's National Football League games.

To make matters even more interesting, the ever-sharp Rabbi I. tests his prophetic mettle against a computer picker and a fantasy league.

Here are this week's predicted winners:

	Rabbi Itzalok	Accuscore	Pick 'em
Car@Chi	Chi	Chi	Chi
Buf@Cin	Cin	Buf	Buf
Ten@Cle	Ten	Ten	Ten
Det@Dal	Dal	Dal	Det
Min@KC	Min	Min	Min
Wsh@STL	Wsh	Wsh	Wsh
SF@Phi	Phi	Phi	Phi
NO@Jac	NO	NO	NO
Pit@Hou	Pit	Hou	Hou
NYG@Ari	NYG	NYG	NYG
Atl@Sea	Atl	Atl	Atl
Den@GB	GB	GB	GB
NE@Oak	NE	NE	NE
Mia@SD	Mia	SD	SD
NYJ@Bal	Bal	Bal	Bal
Ind@TB	Ind	TB	TB

Rabbi Itzalok Predicts Week 3 NFL Winners (2011)

I predict which team will win the spiritual battle. And when I pick, it's a lock.

Rabbi Itzalok huddles with the Divine One to predict the outcome of each week's National Football League games.

To make matters even more interesting, the ever-sharp Rabbi I. tests his prophetic mettle against a computer picker and a fantasy league.

Here are this week's predicted winners:

	Rabbi Itzalok	Accuscore	Pick 'em
NE@Buf	Buf	NE	NE
SF@Cin	SF	SF	SF
Mia@Cle	Mia	Mia	Cle
Den@Ten	Den	Ten	Ten
Det@Min	Det	Det	Det
Hou@NO	NO	NO	NO
NYG@Phi	Phi	Phi	Phi
Jac@Car	Car	Car	Car
NYJ@Oak	NYJ	NYJ	NYJ
Bal@STL	Bal	Bal	Bal
KC@SD	SD	SF	Dal
GB@Chi	GB	GB	GB
Ari@Sea	Ari	Ari	Ari
Atl@TB	Atl	TB	Atl
Pit@Ind	Pit	Pit	Pit
Was@Dal	Was	Dal	Dal

Rabbi Itzalok Predicts Week 2 NFL Winners (2011)

I predict who will win the spiritual battle.

Rabbi Itzalok huddles with the Divine One to predict the outcome of each week's National Football League games.

To make matters even more interesting, the ever-sharp Rabbi I. tests his prophetic mettle against a computer picker and a fantasy league.

Here are this week's predicted winners:

	Rabbi Itzalok	Accuscore	Pick 'em
Oak@Buf	Buf	Buf	Buf
KC@Det	Det	Det	Det
Bal@Ten	Bal	Bal	Bal
Cle@Ind	Ind	Ind	Ind
TB@Min	TB	TB	Min
Chi@NO	NO	NO	NO
Jac@NYJ	NYJ	NYJ	NYJ
Sea@Pit	Pit	Pit	Pit
Ari@Wsh	Wsh	Wsh	Wsh
GB@Car	GB	GB	GB
Dal@SF	SF	SF	Dal
Cin@Den	Cin	Den	Den
Hou@Mia	Mia	Mia	Hou
SD@NE	SD	NE	NE
Phi@Atl	Phi	Atl	Phi
StL@NYG	NYG	NYG	NYG

NFL Playoff Predictions, Super Bowl

Sigh. Not this year.

I'll be brief: Packers over Steelers, 27-17, in a very good game.

NFL Playoff Predictions, Championship Round (2010 Season)

Rex Ryan will need to keep his head if his Jets are to step forward and get past another arch-rival.

I continue to stink it up as a predictor of football games. But I will press on. Here are my picks for the NFL conference championship playoffs:

• New York Jets at Pittsburgh Steelers: Jets 16, Steelers 24. I saw the Steelers winning last week, but who would have imagined the Footie besting the Hoodie? Now, my gut tells me the Steelers will get this one, but in a dogfight. I won't be surprised if Jets special teams help make the difference in their getting to the Super Bowl.

• Green Bay Packers at Chicago Bears: Packers 30, Bears 10. The Packers will beat down the Bears. I have no doubt.

So, yes, I predict a Steelers-Packers Super Bowl. Place your bets!

NFL Playoff Predictions, Divisional Round

New York Jets fans will fulfill their destiny to become totally unbearable should Mark Sanchez (right) and the Jets defeat Tom Brady (left) and the AFC #1 seed New England Patriots.

Since I did so well last time (hey, I did get the Ravens and Packers calls sort of right!), here are my picks for the NFL divisional playoffs:

• Baltimore Ravens at Pittsburgh Steelers: Ravens 16, Steelers 20. This will be a physically punishing game on both sides and in all phases. I expect--but don't want---some big injuries on both sides.

• Green Bay Packers at Atlanta Falcons: Packers 24, Falcons 17. The Packers are Super Bowl bound, I believe. I hope the Falcons can pull this off because if the Patriots were to reach the SB, the Packers are the team that would concern me most. Atlanta is a great team, though, and I think they could win this game and go all the way. In fact, I'll predict here and now that the winner of this game will represent the NFC in the Super Bowl.

• Seattle Seahawks at Chicago Bears: Seahawks 10, Bears 28. No way the Seahawks win this one.

• New York Jets at New England Patriots: Jets 17, Patriots 41. I can see this being a very close game decided by the final possession or a total blowout with the Pats crushing the Jets. But I think the more likely scenario is that Belichick and Brady will deliver issue an epic beatdown of the Jets. The game may be personal to Ryan (and virile cornerback Antonio Cromartie), but it's all business to Belichick and Brady. Ryan and co. need to learn to keep their traps shut, and America will enjoy watching Rex mumble dejectedly through a teary post-game press conference.

But I'm no Jets hater. So, for all fans of the Jets and Feet-a-saurus Rex:

Onion SportsDome

NFL Playoff Predictions, Wild Card Weekend (2010 Season)

Obligatory Jim Mora "Playoffs?!?!" image.

My picks for the wild card round:

• New Orleans Saints at Seattle Seahawks: Saints 24, Seahawks 10. The Saints will play a consistent game and put it away in the 4th quarter.

• New York Jets at Indianapolis Colts: Jets 16, Colts 31. This will look like a close game until the 3rd quarter, when the Colts pull away and the Jets stay flat.

• Baltimore Ravens at Kansas City Chiefs: Ravens 23, Chiefs 20. This will be a bruising game. Flacco will keep the Ravens moving downfield for scoring opportunities.

• Green Bay Packers at Philadelphia Eagles: Packers 27, Eagles 24. A field goal at the end decides this one. Rogers and Vick will shine.